


Walking the Line

by StellaBlue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Activism, Angst, Angst and Humor, Community: HPFT, Depression, Gender Identity, Genderqueer Character, Harry Potter Next Generation, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Musicians, Other, Teenage Dorks, bad rock band
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-16 01:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7247053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellaBlue/pseuds/StellaBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is about two things:<br/>1. an accidental quest to change a thousand years of Hogwarts tradition, and<br/>2. a really bad band called Gryffindor Rules.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one [with a little help from my friends]

“Alderton, Alexander!”

As the name echoed in the Great Hall, Alex grinned at Louis and Celeste, his new friends he’d met on the train to school, and giddily stepped up to the stool in the front of the Hall where the Sorting Hat sat. He was about to join one of the Hogwarts Houses, essentially what would become his school family for the next seven years, and he could hardly wait.

The hat, once Alex had put it on over his head and felt it sink down past his eyes, announced him as a Gryffindor; from the queue of first-years remaining to be sorted, Louis Weasley yelled gleefully and gave a thumbs-up. Alex took a seat at the Gryffindor table next to a bunch of loudly cheering people who were much taller than he, and all four tables slowly began to fill with incoming first-years as the queue diminished. When the Hat reached the C’s, Alex watched with bated breath for Celeste Cassidy to don the Hat and be sorted. Despite Alex’s crossed fingers and a wish that Celeste would join him in Gryffindor too, he was slightly disappointed to hear the Hat deem her a Ravenclaw instead. But Louis became a Gryffindor, just as he’d predicted, and he sat beside Alex and held up his hand for a high-five.

Two tables away, an arm waved enthusiastically, and Alex and Louis craned their necks to see Celeste grinning at them, the bottom of her chin barely even with the surface of the table, but appearing much taller than she was, due to her numerous short beaded braids sticking up. Alex waved back at her, convinced that the three could still be friends despite their different Houses. Because he was finally at Hogwarts, an ancient castle where his mum had learnt all her magic and made lifelong friends, and where Alex would learn to be a wizard too. And in the meantime, there was an absolutely scrumptious feast laid out on the long table before him, and even in all his excitement to eat as much food as possible, his table manners were no worse than Louis’s.

“Mhuwulpfurush,” said Louis appreciatively.

“What?” asked Alex.

Louis swallowed. “My mum would be furious,” he explained. “She’s always tried to get me and my sisters to have better table manners. I think Vic is the only one who does. Look, Dom’s a mess too.” He pointed to the Slytherin table on the other side of the room, where a strawberry-blonde girl who resembled Louis sat behind a sculpted tower of mashed potatoes.

“How many siblings do you have?”

“Just the two sisters. You?”

“None,” said Alex. “I’m an only child. It’s just me and my mum.”

“Can you reach the gravy?” asked Louis, his arm extended but not quite long enough.

“Yeah, here.”

“Cheers.”

“This is going to be amazing,” said Alex. “I can’t wait to find out what our classes are. I hope we have class with Celeste.”

“I’ve already learnt some spells!” exclaimed the boy sitting opposite Alex. “My sister taught me. She’s a third year.”

“I have two sisters, so I’ve learnt twice as many spells,” said Louis.

“That’s not fair,” said the boy.

“I made a potion once,” Alex offered.

“Wow, what did it do?” The boy across from Alex had lost interest in Louis and listened to Alex eagerly.

“Er, well, it cleaned? It was a cleaning potion.”

“Oh,” said Louis. “I thought you were going to say it did something really exciting, like it made you breathe fire or gave you super-strength.”

Alex laughed. “I wouldn’t really have wanted either of those things,” he said honestly.

“Why not?” asked the boy across from him, laughing. “Everyone would want that. I’m Rahul, by the way, what are your names?”

“I’m Louis Weasley,” said Louis, and he and Alex both watched Rahul’s eyes widen slightly as he recognised the rather famous surname.

“That’s going to go to your head, I know it,” Alex muttered to Louis with a grin, and then turned back to face Rahul. “I’m Alex.”

“Oh, right, you were the first person sorted,” said Rahul. “Alexander Alderton.”

“Not Alexander,” said Alex, frowning slightly. “Just Alex.”

“These potatoes are _amazing_ ,” said Louis. “Maman always gripes about English food, but it’s _so good_.”

After a splendid feast, there was some talking, and Headmistress Sprout said some fairly important things, but Alex was exhausted and stopped paying attention after he heard the word ‘rules’. He had just gotten comfortable with his head nestled into his crossed arms on the table when Louis shook his shoulder, and it was time to go up to the dormitory. His new home. Alex’s sleepiness evaporated immediately, and he inexplicably had loads of energy again for climbing the many stairs up to the tower where the Gryffindors lived.

Once they’d been ushered up to the Gryffindor common room by two prefects (one of whom was Louis’ other sister, sixth-year Victoire), Alex, Louis, and Rahul were directed towards the boys’ staircase, and climbed up to find a spacious, crimson and gold coloured room with nine beds in it, with each boy’s trunk already stowed at the foot of a bed. It only took a short span of time for the clean dormitory to undergo a complete transformation due to the incoming pack of eleven-year-old boys; duvets slid off of beds, shoes made their way across the room and into corners, posters of musical groups and Quidditch teams were tacked onto the walls, and it felt like home.

The first class the Gryffindor first-years had the following day was Potions, and as Alex had hoped, it was with the Ravenclaws. Alex sat with Louis and Celeste, and after they'd been told off for whispering in class and not paying attention, they took notes, collected and prepared some dried nettle and porcupine quills, and worked to create a cure for boils.

"Mr Alderton, well done," said Professor Choudhury in her sing-song voice, upon seeing Alex's finished potion. "This is a superb first potion."

Alex beamed. "Thank you, Professor."

"She called me Mr Alderton," Alex laughed as they left the classroom. "I don't feel like a Mr Alderton; that sounds so stuffy and old. I’m not a Mr, I’m just me."

"Mr Alderton, top of the morning," said Louis in his attempt at a sophisticated voice. "I'm Mr Weasley, which makes me really stand out from the loads of other Weasleys here."

"You two are ridiculous," said Celeste. "But Alex, you have a natural Potions talent. Does it run in your family?"

"Well, my uncle is a great cook," said Alex with a shrug. "And I like cooking, so maybe that runs in the family. Reckon potions are similar to cooking?"

"Probably," said Celeste thoughtfully. "Hang on, are we lost? What corridor is this?"

“I know where we are,” said Louis, and turned left to lead them down the adjoining corridor; Alex and Celeste followed.

All three of them were late to Charms.

*

It was so easy then; Alex could still remember how quickly they had made friends and felt a sense of belonging, and the hardest struggle was simply levitating feathers and getting lost while lugging around heavy books. Back when Alex seemed just as normal as everyone else – was naively less self-aware, didn’t feel like such a misfit, and didn’t have to constantly think about an institutionalised gender binary in which they did not belong. Back before Alex began their quest to change a Hogwarts tradition that had existed for a millennium. That wasn’t easy.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A/N: This story was inspired by the experiences of several genderqueer people I know and they helped me notice a lot of things about how gendered everything in society is and to what extent it alienates people who don’t fit into the constructed binary. I wanted to give some representation to folks who do not identify as either gender, because they are so underrepresented in the media and really everywhere, but I don’t claim to be an expert, so if you see something in this story that is wrong or insensitive or misrepresenting, please let me know! This is definitely the most ambitious and daring project I’ve written so I’ll just sit here biting my nails until I know what to think of it hahah. Thank you so much for reading (both the story and this long author’s note)._
> 
> _Many thanks to lunarlumos as well for hosting the non-cisgender challenge on HPFF, which prompted me to write this by the deadline aka a lot faster than I normally would have done :p_
> 
> _And last but not least, the chapter title belongs to the Beatles and not me._


	2. two [come as you are]

Fourth year was when things first began to change noticeably, to Alex as well as to outsiders.

“Alex! Your hair’s gotten so long, I almost didn’t recognise you,” exclaimed Louis upon first finding Alex at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. “You look like a _girl_.” He laughed.

Alex laughed too, sort of self-consciously. He rather liked having longer hair; it seemed to fit, or at least he thought so.

“Look at this awful sunburn,” said Louis, holding out his freckled, pink arm.

“Ouch,” Alex agreed.

“There you are,” said a voice to Alex’s left, and Alex and Louis both turned to see Celeste. She’d changed her hair too; she’d said goodbye to all her little braids in favour of dreadlocks.

“Nice hair,” said Alex.

“Thanks!” she said, grinning. “You too. Long hair suits you.”

“Let’s go grab a compartment before all the good ones are taken,” said Louis, and led the way onto the train. When he attempted to shove his trunk onto the shelf above the seat, he dropped it and it fell open, scattering socks, clothes, and textbooks with half-completed summer assignments stuffed between the pages. He leant down to collect his belongings, and Celeste and Alex knelt on the floor to help; in no time they’d consolidated Louis’ things back into his trunk, which he then latched properly.

“Thanks guys,” said Louis.

“I’m not a _guy_ ,” said Celeste matter-of-factly, stowing her trunk next to Louis’s. “Using that term to describe a group of people is institutionalised sexism. But you’re welcome.”

“Huh?” asked Louis, his brows knitted. “Celeste, it’s too early in the year for rants about issues in society. We’ve only just got here.”

Celeste frowned. “What do you mean it’s too early? It’s still important!”

“Yeah, but I’m really tired,” said Louis. “I did all of the summer’s homework this past week and stayed up last night finishing it until half one in the morning.”

“Why did you leave it so late?” Alex balked.

“I would have been fine, but I had to rewrite two of my papers because Dom switched my spell-check quill with a joke one from Uncle George’s shop and it put a lot of rude words in.”

“You’d think she’d be more sympathetic to you because of your dyslexia,” Alex mused.

Louis laughed. “Sympathetic? Have you _met_ Dom? You wouldn’t understand, you don’t have siblings – but all we ever do is annoy each other. I put frogs in her trunk this morning so I don’t feel too badly about the quill.”

As if on cue, a shriek sounded from a nearby compartment. “Wonder if she found them?” Louis said, stretching his legs out and folding his arms behind his head.

Two Gryffindor girls in their year walked by and waved through the compartment window, and Louis, still lounging in his seat, gave them a nonchalant head nod. Alex snorted in suppressed laughter, as he imagined Louis was probably trying to look cool, but hadn’t accounted for the fact that the right trouser leg was sloppily tucked into his sock, rendering his whole image rather comical.

Lying on his bed in the Gryffindor dormitory some time later, after the new first years had been sorted and the feast had ended, Alex felt a strange sensation of disconnect when his roommates began to talk about the girls of their year - how Angela had horrible acne, but Zahra had become so fit over the summer and was now leaving the top buttons on her blouse undone. These sorts of conversations had been happening with more frequency, especially towards the end of last year, and it was the least interesting conversation Alex could think of to start off the year with his mates, because he just didn’t care.

While Alex was excited to be back for his fourth year, the present conversation was a bit isolating, as he couldn’t really relate; he’d never had much of an attraction to any particular girl. The girl he liked the most was Celeste, because he appreciated her boldness, her intelligence, and steadiness. But these weren’t the sorts of things that the other boys noticed about girls. The only person he noticed in a different way was not a girl, rather his roommate Nigel, and Alex wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. Maybe he was gay. Maybe not, and there was just something special about Nigel.

“What about you, Alex?” asked Nigel suddenly, rousing Alex from his thoughts, and Alex looked up to see his roommate standing there in pyjama bottoms and shirtless, watching Alex intently as he waited for Alex to answer his question. “You’ve been quiet - which of the girls have you got your eye on?”

Alex felt his face and ears grow hot, and he looked away from Nigel. “None,” he answered honestly.

“Aw, come on, there’s got to be someone. Eunice has the best legs I’ve ever seen; you have to have noticed that.”

“I bet it’s that chick he spends all his time with,” suggested Rahul. “The Ravenclaw. Celeste Cassidy. She’s sexy as hell.”

Nigel grinned. “You’re right,” he said, turning to Alex. “How about it? Did we figure it out?”

Alex fidgeted – what he felt for Celeste wasn’t the same thing as what his roommates meant, but he didn’t want to disappoint Nigel. There was no way Alex could admit who he actually liked, and maybe if he said he liked Celeste, then his telling his false secret might bring Nigel closer in a way, as is the case with sharing secrets.

“Yeah,” Alex lied.

The smile on Nigel’s face was worth it, but then the conversation devolved into a discussion of Celeste’s best physical attributes and why Alex should ask her out, and it made Alex feel uncomfortable; he knew how much Celeste would hate being objectified in such a manner. But even Louis, who was as close with Celeste as Alex was, seemed to have no qualms in talking about Celeste that way. Eventually Alex rolled over on his bed and shut the curtains with a wave of his wand.

Alex had always known the conduits of gossip were numerous and quite rapid at Hogwarts, but he was still surprised when Celeste approached him two days later with a thoughtful expression during the walk to Herbology and asked him, “I heard you’ve got a thing for me and are thinking of asking me out.”

“I… er… who told you that?” Alex stuttered, wondering how farther he should carry out his lie. Already he was sick of pretending, and he felt even more false trying to lie to someone like Celeste, who was essentially like a sister to him.

“Are you even into girls?” Celeste continued, sizing him up. “I never figured you for a straight bloke.”

At this point he could either hold up the falsehood, or admit that she had figured him out. And he only had a second to think about it, but the longer he stood there stalling, the more obvious it was. Eventually, though, he gave up the charade, because despite how his heart raced as he wondered how she would react, he didn’t like lying and Celeste was someone he could trust. “How’d you know?” he finally asked.

She smirked. “Takes one to know one,” she said cryptically, then elaborated. “I’ve never been attracted to blokes, only girls.”

Alex sighed with relief – _she understood_. “Does anyone else know?”

“Sure they do. I have posters of female Quidditch stars in my dormitory, and I always listen to Athena Vixen’s music, and I’m pretty sure loads of people saw me kissing Eunice Chan on the train. I’m probably quite obvious. But I see no reason to hide who I am. And I don’t really have to make a big deal of coming out, because everyone already knows.”

Well, Nigel would probably be disappointed to find that Eunice was unavailable to him, Alex thought. But thinking of Nigel, a familiar panic gripped Alex again. “What do I do? What if people find out? Should I tell anyone?”

“Just be yourself. There’s nothing shameful about it, who cares if people find out? You’ll probably be happier that way.”

“You don’t know the worst part,” said Alex. “I like my roommate. And he likes to wander around the room with his shirt off. But if he or any of my other roommates find out I’m gay, I think they’ll all be weird about it and act differently around me. Do you ever worry about people not accepting you how you are?”

“Those people aren’t worth worrying about,” Celeste insisted. “People who matter will just accept that as part of who you are, not shun you because of it.”

Alex nodded, taking a deep breath; Celeste’s confidence had spilled over onto him and he felt much calmer after talking to her. “I’m so lucky to be friends with you,” he finally said, and Celeste grinned. Together they walked into Herbology, and Alex held his head a little higher than usual.

*

But it wasn’t just that. After Alex told his roommates he was gay, not much changed, except Louis and Rahul were a bit weird around him for a while, until they realised Alex was still the same person as before, and time smoothed it all over. No one made a big deal of it anymore, months later. But Alex still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more at play than just his sexual orientation. He still didn’t feel like one of the guys.

Individually, the other boys were all great, and Alex had some things in common with them. Louis was Alex’s best friend, Harry had similar tastes in music to what Alex liked, and Damien and Alex both grew up in single-parent households. But when all of the fourth year boys got together, it felt like an exclusive club where Alex didn’t belong, because he was just too _different_. Even when the others weren’t talking about girls, there just seemed to be something inexplicable that made Alex feel as if he were not like the others, an outsider in some way.

Sometimes he felt more comfortable with Celeste and her Ravenclaw friends, who were mostly all girls. He often found their conversation more friendly and considerate, and he thought he was a lot more similar to them in terms of personality than he was to his own roommates. So much so that he began to wonder if he was actually meant to be a girl instead of a boy.

“Celeste,” asked Alex one day in January, “what would you think if… if I changed my name to Alexandra?”

Celeste turned to face Alex, opened her mouth as if to speak, and then closed it again. “You think you might be a girl?” she finally asked.

“I don’t know,” said Alex. “Maybe. Sometimes I feel like it fits me more, you know?”

“Well, then it doesn’t matter what I think, does it?” Celeste asked. “You be you, whatever that means. Do you want me to start calling you Alexandra?”

Alex smiled. “Yeah, I think so.” Maybe… she… had found out who she was?

“Well, Alexandra,” said Celeste, “you should come with me to a meeting tonight. I know you’re not really into meetings or activism or big groups of strangers, but I do think you’d really like the Hogwarts Queer Students Association. A lot of people there are still figuring out who they are, kind of like you are. Maybe it’d be good.”

Celeste had told Alex about the group a number of times, but Alex had always been too busy lollygagging around the Gryffindor common room, playing hangman or Gobstones with Louis, or figuring out how to play the musical saw. Maybe this was a time when it made sense to go to a meeting, if it would help Alex feel more comfortable. So together the two of them went to the meeting that evening.

Upon walking through the door and seeing the assembled group, Alex was pleasantly surprised to see a familiar face from the fourth year Gryffindor boys’ dorm: Harry L. was there, an odd vision of emo gloom lounging on a rainbow striped beanbag chair. Happy to see another familiar face, Alex tugged Celeste’s sleeve and together they walked over to sit by Harry, who peered up at them with doleful eyes outlined with eyeliner and half covered by his dark hair. “Hey Alex, welcome to the queer club,” was all he said, which was positively loquacious for Harry.

“Thanks,” said Alex, and laughed. And now was the moment of truth – it was a safe space here, and certainly it would be scary to come out as female to a bunch of people who were no more than acquaintances, but how else was Alex going to become Alexandra? So Alex took a deep breath, preparing to reveal that new identity – but then just as suddenly, it didn’t seem to fit anymore.

Alex wasn’t a ‘he’. But the alternative was to be a ‘she’, and that didn’t really fit Alex either, who was something in between, if that existed. But that didn’t really equate to anything in the magical world, where there were wizards and witches – Alex was more of a ‘Which?’

Plagued by self-doubt and questions, Alex had trouble focusing for the first fifteen minutes or so, but finally returned to the present when Celeste began speaking. Alex listened to the discussion, which at the moment was about increasing queer visibility on campus, and things that annoyed Celeste about the current culture at Hogwarts.

“There’s something that annoys me, too,” said Alex softly when Celeste had finished, and all eyes turned to Alex attentively. “All of the bathrooms. They’re either girls or boys ones, but there’s nothing that’s just… neither.”

“That’s a great point… Alex, was that your name?” said a Hufflepuff in the opposite corner. “I totally agree. What if someone was genderqueer, then what toilet could they use? It’s not fair at all. We should start a petition and submit it to the board of governors and make them change the antiquated binary system for labelling the toilets.” 

Petitions aside, Alex felt a bubble of excitement as suddenly everything clicked. Genderqueer – that was it; that fit. That was what Alex had been trying to place all these months.

“I bet even Moaning Myrtle would sign it,” said the girl next to Celeste. “She’d probably love to have more company in that gloomy toilet of hers.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A/N: the chapter title is from the song of the same name by Nirvana_


	3. three [in limbo]

Six of the Gryffindor fifth years sat around in the common room in a group together one day in early October, engaged in a variety of tasks. Louis was bent over his textbook, his face set in intense concentration while his index finger traced a line of text as he read. Beside him, Alex was halfway through a Potions essay that was proving to be rather easier than expected. Nigel and Rahul were playing chess, Harry L. was practising Summoning Charms with the chess pieces that had been removed, and Damien was making his Halloween costume.

“Are you lot going to the Quidditch game this afternoon?” Rahul asked, after Nigel checkmated him with ease. “First one of the year!”

The reactions of the group were mixed: Louis and Damien replied enthusiastically and loudly that they would of course be there; Nigel said probably, and Alex just shrugged and looked over at Harry with raised eyebrows.

Alex found Quidditch rather boring, to be completely honest, and was much more interested in spending the day hiding in a dungeon room practising the musical saw; Alex and fellow Gryffindor sixth-years Louis, Harry L., and Angela had recently formed a band, under the temporary name ‘Gryffindor Rules.’

“Rehearsal this afternoon?” Alex asked Harry. “I don’t think Angela’s going to the game either. It’s a perfect opportunity to practise, and then we can perform at the post-game party.”

“Yeah,” said Harry. “Except all we have are angsty songs, so hopefully Gryffindor loses the match – then our music will fit the mood better.”

“Totally.”

Harry stretched his arms and stood up. “Well, I’ll go find Angela right now and check with her. I’m tired of bloody Summoning Charms.”

“Summon her,” suggested Alex. “Two owls with one stone, you know?”

“You’re actually rehearsing without me?” cried Louis indignantly. “Can’t it wait until after the game? How can you even practise with only three-fourths of the band?”

Alex pondered for a moment, then stated, “I’m sure there’s a drummer joke in there somewhere, but I’m still looking for it.” Louis grabbed one of Rahul’s chess pieces and threw it at Alex, who ducked away, laughing.

Louis was a pretty decent drummer, and to be honest, Alex and Harry needed the most practice on their instruments anyway (the saw and the cello, respectively). Alex and Harry had become much closer through the Queer Students Association, sort of drawn to each other as they were both misfits in a world that didn’t understand them. Harry was basically a walking paradox: he was asexual, although many girls and at least one boy had eyes for him, not knowing that it was pointless; and he was anti-everything, be it politics, authority, sports, activism, but was always actively making _statements_ through his behaviour. 

As for Alex, they were still caught in limbo between what felt comfortable and where society told them that they should be. Towards the end of fourth year, they had come out as genderqueer and asked people to call them by ‘they’ and ‘them’ pronouns, and most people were respectful of it, even if, like Louis, they didn’t entirely understand. Although Alex was able to live by their own rules and be who they wanted to a certain extent, they were still forced to conform because they slept in a boys’ dormitory and wore a boys’ uniform and were listed as Male on the Hogwarts roster. It was like Alex’s opinion of who they were wasn’t important enough to anyone who made the rules.

Fortunately, at least their name was a rather genderless one, so they’d never had to change it. But those first few months had been hard, and for most of the end of fourth year Alex had been in a mild state of paranoia when interacting with any of their peers they didn’t normally talk with, as it was still a new thing to people to call Alex by new pronouns and there was somewhat of a spotlight on Alex all in whispers. But by far, the scariest was whenever Alex heard any snippet of a conversation about them – and somehow Alex couldn’t resist eavesdropping to hear what kinds of things people were saying, despite that they dreaded hearing insults behind their back by their classmates. And they’d heard just about everything by this point.

_“I think Alex Alderton is really brave,” one person had said as Alex walked by a bathroom door, wondering if they were allowed to use that room._

_“Alex is a total attention seeker,” they had heard from a person talking too loudly at Honeydukes in Hogsmeade. “Why make such a big deal out of pronouns and stuff that doesn’t matter?”_

_“He’s a bit of a weirdo,” said someone in a classroom as Alex walked by, and out of habit Alex stopped in their tracks to listen at the door and hear the response: “You mean_ they _are a weirdo. Merlin, who would even want to play the musical saw? It sounds like ghosts.”_

Alex was slightly better about not eavesdropping now that summer had passed and it was a new year, and Alex’s genderqueer status was not a new idea to the other students and professors. But Alex dreaded other people’s judgment, and yet found it irresistible to listen to.

“AAAAAAHHHHH!”

Alex looked up to see Angela Rajagopal sailing across the room. She landed in a heap front of Louis and Harry, her dark hair frizzy all around her face and her eyes wild. It only took an instant before she was back on her feet with her ire turned towards Louis.

“LOUIS WEASLEY, I KNOW THAT WAS YOU, YOU ARSEHOLE.”

“It wasn’t!” said Louis earnestly, but didn’t help his case when he laughed, which irritated Angela even more. She smacked him upside the head, and it only made Louis laugh more as he ducked his head and raised his arms over it. Harry, who had been watching with a deadpan, casually interested expression, finally cracked, releasing a snort of laughter at Louis’ expense.

“Harry, you really tried the Summoning Charm on a person?” asked Alex, finally connecting the dots.

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“ _Harry?!_ ” exclaimed Angela. “It was you? It wasn’t Louis?”

“It’s always the quiet ones,” said Louis, massaging his head.

Harry said nothing to defend himself or deny his involvement. Instead he went right ahead with his purpose of summoning her in the first place. “Get your sitar, we’re practising during the Quidditch game.”

“ _You_ get it,” Angela demanded. “You’re so keen to show off your Summoning Charms, it’s all you. Careful with it though, I don’t want to see a single scratch or dent or have to retune any of the strings.”

“Ughhh,” Harry groaned, slouching back in his chair.

Angela perched on the arm of the sofa. “Whose songs are we doing today?” she asked. In practise, generally all four members of Gryffindor Rules took turns being the singer because they hadn’t found a good, willing singer yet. Angela was probably the best at singing out of the four of them, but preferred to play her sitar instead. When she did sing, her lyrics had powerful, hopeful messages. Harry sang really convoluted, artistic poetry, and usually encouraged the most musical saw solos from Alex. Alex, for their part, had never sung with the band at an actual gig, only during practise, and their songs were generally depressing ones about loneliness. One good thing could be said for the band, and that was that they were indeed versatile.

“Well, your songs are the happiest, so probably yours if Gryffindor wins,” said Harry.

“I only have four songs. The party will be longer than that.” Angela paused for a moment, and then suggested, “I suppose we could always go with one of Louis’s songs?”

Louis’s music was probably the most unpredictable; he sang mostly covers of other songs, and probably his greatest moment of notoriety was when he’d merely started singing the words of _A Guide to Intermediate Transfiguration_ to the old Weird Sisters tune the band was playing, and got away with singing at least the first chapter before anyone in the audience had noticed. Alex had always personally wondered whether people didn’t notice because people were generally unobservant, or because they just hadn’t been paying attention to the band, which to be fair, wasn’t very good.

“If we can get away with that again, yeah,” said Alex.

“And if our team loses, Alex and I can do our songs,” said Harry.

“Ooh, you’ll sing?” Angela asked Alex.

“Er… I don’t know,” said Alex. “Do you think it’ll go all right? People won’t hate my songs, will they?” The idea was a bit terrifying – just with their friends, it was easy enough, but singing in front of all of Gryffindor house with all those eyes on Alex, it sounded impossible. It was much easier to just sit there and play wailing noises on the saw.

“Who cares what they think,” said Harry.

*

Louis returned from watching the game soaking wet, his red hair plastered to his head, and looking as dejected as it was possible to look as he walked into classroom ten, the rarely used room which Gryffindor Rules often used to practise in. The sounds of saw, sitar, and Harry’s sad singing tapered off.

“I take it we lost?” asked Harry.

Louis slumped into a chair. “Yeah.”

Angela, who was seated cross-legged on the floor, put her instrument aside to grab her wand, and performed a drying spell on Louis to stop him from dripping all over the floor. “Thanks,” Louis grunted.

“Channel that angsty mood into your music,” said Harry. “We wrote a new song today, it’s called ‘Existential Thoughts on Losing at Quidditch.’”

“We’re all Seers,” Angela explained. “We had a premonition about the outcome, so we wrote this.”

“When you’re feeling up to it,” said Alex, “we’d sound a lot better with a drummer.”

“Yeah?” asked Louis. “So much for your drummer jokes then.”

“Well, it’s just that we had no one to make fun of without you here.” Alex grinned. “No hurry though, if you need some time between the game and rehearsal.”

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll be back in a bit so we can get in a quick practise before the party. Got to get some food first.”

As Louis left, Harry turned to face Alex. “Have you decided whether or not you want to sing at this gig?”

The real thing that worried Alex was giving their classmates yet another reason to talk about them. But people were going to talk anyway, weren’t they? And, Alex reasoned, if you were going to be in a band you had to get used to this sort of thing. “Yeah, I can sing.”

*

A piece of cauliflower bounced onto the stage, and Alex, distracted, let go of the end of their saw and looked down at the vegetable, baffled as to where it had come from.

“You’re terrible!” an irritated party guest shouted. “Stop playing!”

“Fuck you!” said Louis immediately. “No one asked your opinion!”

Angela set her sitar aside and stood up, put her hand on Louis’ shoulder, and moved over to speak to the crowd, a _Sonorous_ charm amplifying her voice. “If you don’t like our music, I’m sorry. You’re welcome to leave the party, and pay Janice for the Firewhiskey on your way out the door. And also fuck you. Anyone who’s not here to insult us, I hope you’re having a good time – help yourself to some Cauldron Cakes, on the table over there.”

“Gryffindor Rules!” Louis bellowed.

Some cheers and a few scattered boos greeted this pronouncement. Alex and Harry looked at one another and shrugged at each other simultaneously.

Following this disturbance, the group did one more number (Angela’s song “Peace and Love”) and called it a night, and no more than a minute after they’d vacated the stage, someone started up their wireless to a song by recent boyband sensation Out of Sync.

“I suppose it could have gone better,” Harry said as he put his cello away. “But it wasn’t that bad, you know?”

“People were actually listening, so that’s an improvement,” Angela agreed. “And Alex, you sang really well!” She enveloped Alex in a hug.

“Thanks,” said Alex.

“Look, Celeste is here,” said Louis.

Alex left their saw and bow lying on the chair, and went with Louis over to greet Celeste. “Hey, thanks for coming!” they said.

“Of course, I wasn’t going to miss it,” said Celeste, hugging Alex and then Louis. “You’ll always have at least one fan. I feel so bad about that jerk shouting at you.”

“That’s Gryffindor for you,” said Louis. “We’re just loud about everything.”

Alex had never considered themselves a loud person, at least not intentionally. But somehow they had ended up in a house of bold people, in a band, and making waves just by existing in the way they wanted to. People would always be talking, and Alex still dreaded other people’s opinions. But good, supportive friends meant a lot more than popularity and universal approval, if tonight had taught them anything. So if, even without trying, Alex was already the subject of talk, what would happen if they actually took a vocal stand to make changes that were important to them, namely the segregated bathrooms and the dormitories grouped by gender? Could a school with over a thousand years of tradition change to make its marginalised students feel welcome?

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A/N: This story has taken a bit to get into its stride, but I’d say this chapter is where it really starts. Hope you’re enjoying it so far – drop me a review if you’re so inclined! Thanks for reading. :)_
> 
> _To any drummers who might be reading this: No offence is meant by all the drummer jokes :P I myself am a viola player and the number of viola jokes out there could fill a book. I’m kind of proud._
> 
> _Chapter title is from the song of the same name by Radiohead._


	4. four [if you want to sing out]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Happy Pride Month! Here’s a new chapter!_

“I don’t know what to be for Halloween,” said Alex, throwing their bag on the grass as they approached Louis, Harry, and Angela, who were all lying on the ground in the shade of a gnarled old beech tree.

“Whooooaaaaa,” said Louis, staring up at Alex.

“Your hair is like tentacles,” said Angela. “They’re reaching for me.”

“Huh,” supplied Harry L. “When you look at a face upside down, it’s… it’s weird, man.”

Baffled, Alex looked between their three bandmates and discovered the explanation: a collection of blue pods, some fresh, others open and still emitting a faint smoke, which must have been taken from the Herbology greenhouses.

“You’re all on drugs,” Alex concluded. “Those things aren’t meant to be eaten, you know?”

“Leftovers,” said Louis incoherently. “Ham?”

“What?” asked Alex, shaking their head. “I can’t have a real conversation with you, any of you.” So they picked up their bag again and headed back inside, where it would be a far better use of time to find Celeste instead.

And, as they predicted, Celeste was in the library, in her favourite alcove by the window.

“Hey, Alex,” said Celeste, looking up from her star diagram as Alex walked in and, once again, threw their bag on the floor. It was fortunate that they never carried glass inkwells in there. “I thought you were going to go make your Halloween costume?”

“I tried, but I couldn’t think of anything. And then I went to ask everyone in the band but they’re too high.”

Celeste laughed. “Please don’t say any more about it, because I don’t want to have to give them a detention. It’s better if I don’t know.”

Alex shook their head, and continued. “I don’t know why I bothered with them anyway – you’re far more creative than they are. Louis in a normal state would just tell me to dress as a Hufflepuff or something.”

“Do you want a really elaborate costume, or a simple one?”

“Well, I want to do something creative, but not that loud and attention-grabbing. Just something clever.”

“You should have been sorted as a Ravenclaw,” said Celeste.

“Sometimes I think so, too,” said Alex, and then after a pause, added, “Maybe I’ll be a Ravenclaw for Halloween.”

“Mmm, right, I understand why you’re a Gryffindor now,” Celeste muttered, labelling Castor and Pollux on her chart, and then flashing a grin at Alex.

“Git.”

Celeste ignored this and gently blew air on the wet ink on her parchment to dry it out, and then rolled it up meticulously. “Anything else I can help you with?”

There _was_ something. Something Alex had been mulling over since the semi-disastrous performance of Gryffindor Rules on the evening of the Quidditch match, when Alex had finally let their voice be heard, and people had listened. After all, before the vegetables had come flying onto the stage, some people had clapped and cheered for Alex, singing about alienation. And Alex couldn’t help but wonder, as they had wondered when Louis sang the first chapter to the Transfiguration assignment - were people actually listening to the words and cheering about the words Alex had dared to share? Or did they just love Angela’s killer sitar solo?

Singing in front of people was one thing, but what Alex really wanted was for people to care about a topic that was important to Alex. In the half a year since Alex had come out as genderqueer, still no one really addressed any issues relating to gender. Even Louis, one of Alex’s best friends, tended to be uncomfortable and sometimes even divert the topic of any conversation if it started to drift into the territory of gender, and it was frustrating to say the least. But at that first meeting of the Hogwarts Queer Students Association, everyone had seemed supportive, even if Alex or anyone else hadn’t followed through with the ideas brought up that night. Maybe now was the time.

“You know that first meeting I went to with you last year?” Alex began. “And someone suggested the idea of a petition to stop segregating the bathrooms by gender, but then we never did anything about it. You remember?”

“Sure, I remember that,” said Celeste. “I figured nothing happened because you weren’t comfortable enough to speak out yet. After all, you’d be kind of an important figure in this.”

“Yeah, that was part of it,” said Alex. “And Harry and I were more into playing music anyway. But now, I want to, because it’s just been grating on me so long that I have to use the wrong bathroom and live in a boys’ dormitory.”

“I’ll be right there at your side,” Celeste promised. “This should be an important issue to everyone, not just the people the current system pushes aside. And mostly I think it’s just an issue of awareness. People don’t really think about what it’s like to be someone other than who they are, but if they did see things from a new angle, you know - I’m optimistic that people will be receptive to this.”

Alex was a bit less confident about how their petition would be received, but they trusted Celeste, thankful that she would help lead up the effort and that Alex wouldn’t be the face of this initiative.

“What do you want to do about the dormitories?” Celeste asked as she withdrew a scroll of parchment from her bag. “In an ideal world, what would Hogwarts dormitories look like?”

“Hmm,” said Alex. “Well, I don’t think the administration would ever approve gender-neutral dormitories in a school full of teenagers,” they said, and laughed. “But, maybe, if everyone had their own little room? Say that your dormitory, with all the beds in it, was just a common space for all the Ravenclaws of your year. And coming off of that were little alcoves that had a curtain across them offering some privacy, and each of them had a bed in it. So you have your own space, but it’s not private enough for there to be any reason for worrying.”

Celeste looked pensive. “I can tell you’ve thought about this a lot,” she said. “And I like it. I can’t see how the board of governors would take issue, apart from the fact that it breaks a thousand years of tradition. But sometimes traditions have to be updated.”

“And since the dormitories were enlarged a few years ago,” Alex continued, encouraged, “they should be able to change the shape of them as well. I know this would never work in a regular school without magic, but here we can change things about the construction of the building so much easier.”

“So,” said Celeste, drawing out an elegant eagle-feather quill and dipping it in her inkwell, then holding her hand poised above the parchment. “A Petition for Equality: Gender-Neutral Bathrooms and Dormitories.”

“That sounds good,” said Alex. “Concise and self-explanatory. And then underneath the title we can have a short paragraph explaining what we want and why people should sign it.”

Celeste nodded, drawing her quilltip across the page to produce the title in fine calligraphy. The two of them worked together to create a succinct paragraph about the goal of the petition, and then Celeste duplicated the parchment and handed one to Alex. “So now, we mobilise!” she said. “Now we talk to people and get signatures!”

A few tables away from Celeste’s window alcove, a blonde boy with bright green eyes looked up from a four-foot parchment scroll, and Alex ducked their head, feeling a familiar warmth in their neck and ears. Alex had worked with Iain Fairfax in Charms once, when Louis and Angela had paired up and left Alex to work with the nearest Slytherin, and Alex had been rather taken with the tall, shy Slytherin.

Alex looked up to see Celeste watching them. “Wellll,” said Celeste suddenly, “I do have somewhere to be, but maybe you could start off our petition by talking to Iain Fairfax over there.” She winked at Alex, who blushed again.

In Alex’s opinion, Celeste was the only person in the world who could get away with winking without looking creepy or awkward in the process. Whenever Alex tried to wink, both of their eyes worked in unison and the eye that wasn’t supposed to be winking was usually instead engaged in a pronounced squint.

As Celeste stood up and left, Alex sat alone with their parchment for a moment, steeling their nerves, and then, heart beating frantically, picked up their bag and parchment and wandered over to Iain’s table. “Is this seat taken?” they asked, and then cringed at how artificial the question sounded. They may as well have asked _Great weather we’ve been having, eh?_

But Iain smiled, with no indication that he’d found Alex’s question weird, and shook his head. “No, it’s not. You can sit there if you want.”

“Thanks,” said Alex, and sat down, the scroll of parchment still clutched in their hand. But then Alex was faced with a dilemma - to get right to business and start off the discussion by bringing out the petition, or get to know Iain first before mentioning the petition. After a moment of hasty deliberation, they opted for the latter. “How’s Charms going?” they asked. “Looks like you’re top of the class at Silencing Charms now.”

“Been watching me, have you?” asked Iain, and Alex’s face flushed for a moment before they realised Iain was grinning too.

“Maybe,” said Alex, and laughed along with Iain.

“If you need more help with Charms, I’m always happy to help,” Iain offered, and Alex couldn’t help but wonder if Iain was just being friendly, or if - possibly - he was flirting with Alex.

“That’s very kind of you,” said Alex. “I’m sure I’ll take you up on that sometime.”

Iain didn’t respond, just smiled and twirled his quill around, so Alex tried to strike up another conversation. “Excited about Halloween?”

‘Nah,” said Iain, “I’ve never gotten into it much. It’s a bit too flashy of a day for me. I don’t like having to wear a costume.”

“Coming up with a good costume is always the hardest part,” Alex agreed. “That’s what I was trying to figure out today.”

“Hmm… Acromantula?” Iain suggested. “Ghoul? Or do you go for less scary ones - an owl? Merlin? Grawp?”

Alex laughed. Grawp was a giant who roamed the Forbidden Forest, and who looked far scarier than he actually was. Sometimes he’d rip down trees without realising, and then spend ages trying to put them back to no avail. Alex had once come across Grawp once while wandering the grounds, and witnessed the giant attempting to replant an uprooted fir, only upside down. The tree had fallen and brought another with it on its way down, narrowly missing Alex. It was the last time Alex had ventured into the Forest.

“I can’t believe you don’t like Halloween, it seems like costume ideas come so easily to you.”

“Just not a fan of dressing up,” said Iain. “My sister is a nut about Halloween though. You probably saw her worst costume at one point - she was a seventh year last year, the one who borrowed the suit of armour in a third-floor corridor and ended up breaking down a door.”

“Oh yeah, I remember her.”

It was a while of easy conversation before Alex actually mentioned the petition - in all honesty, they had forgotten about it while occupied with the pleasant task of talking to Iain. It was only when Iain asked what the rolled up parchment was that Alex remembered why they’d sat at that table in the first place. Shyly, Alex explained.

“Well, it’s something I’m hoping to send to the Hogwarts board of governors if I can get enough support for it. I want Hogwarts to have bathrooms that aren’t specifically for males or females only, and respect people who aren’t either of those. Same with the dormitories - people having their own space.”

Iain looked thoughtful. “Oh. Right. Because you… right. Well, sure. I hadn’t thought about it before, you know, but the current system is pretty unfair to you.”

“And maybe it’s not just me,” said Alex, “maybe there are other genderqueer people at Hogwarts too who haven’t said anything yet, and are just living in hiding, trying to conform.”

It was with great relief that Alex watched Iain write his name in neat print, under the names _Celeste Cassidy_ and _Alex Alderton_.

Iain handed the parchment back with a smile, and even as Alex watched, another tendril of ink appeared below Iain’s name. Elsewhere in the castle, Celeste was getting names on her own parchment, which, thanks to her fancy spellwork, were updating on Alex’s sheet as well.

“Cool trick,” Iain remarked.

“Yeah, my friend Celeste is a genius,” agreed Alex.

“Hey, sorry to do this to you, but the chess club is meeting in five minutes. I have to get going. Unless you play chess as well and want to come along?”

“I’m rubbish at chess – you’ll have to teach me sometime,” Alex suggested. “I should get to work on this petition, anyway. Celeste has already got three more people.”

“Good luck,” said Iain. “I hope you get lots of signatures.”

“Thanks. Er, and I’ll let you know about that Charms study session.”

“Let me know what you decide about your Halloween costume as well,” said Iain. “I’d advise against using the suits of armour.”

“Noted,” said Alex with a laugh. “See you.” And as the two new friends parted ways in the threshold of the library, Alex had a new spring in their step.

*

Alex was late to the scheduled band practice the following day, because they had been working on their Halloween costume. They had elected to dress as an Augurey, which felt like an appropriate costume; Augureys were shy birds. And their voices were said to be an omen of death, which Alex found funny as a singer in a band.

But when they arrived at classroom ten, it was only to discover a loud row in progress between Louis and Angela. Harry was in the corner, aloof and absorbed in plucking notes on his cello, but he looked up at Alex instantly when they walked in, his outlined eyes boring into Alex’s. Alex recognised a silent plea for help.

“Why would you say something like that?” Angela demanded of Louis, unaware that Alex had entered the room.

“She asked about you!” said Louis. “I didn’t mean it. But she would probably have been upset if I said anything else.”

“Well now _I’m_ upset.”

“I’m sorry.”

“How can I tell what’s real and what you’re just saying because people want to hear it?”

“Er… should we reschedule?” asked Alex as a belated introduction.

Louis looked over at Alex hovering in the doorway and took a step back from Angela. “Hey Alex. Er, I’m good to practice now. What about you, Harry?”

“Okay.”

Angela sighed heavily, and Louis turned back to face her. “What?” Louis asked defensively. “Alex was waiting, and I couldn’t just let him—er, them—stand there and wait for us.”

Alex looked back towards the door they had entered through – it was tempting to just back up and leave again, because it was sure to be an uncomfortable rehearsal session.

“Alex, you want to sing?” Angela asked, not addressing Louis.

Perhaps it wasn’t the best time, but something needed to be done to lighten the mood in the room. “Funny story,” said Alex, “but I’m making an Augurey costume for Halloween. If I sing it will mean certain death for all of us.”

“The audible version of the Grim,” said Harry. “Hey, can we write a song about that? About Augureys? It would be so meta.”

Louis and Angela both laughed, and then glanced at each other uncomfortably, as if they shouldn’t have laughed over the same thing. Harry cut right through the tension with a loud demonstration of tuning his cello, but Louis and Angela didn’t join him, and Alex didn’t have their instrument out yet.

“How’s that, er, that petition thing going?” Louis asked over Harry’s playing, as Alex got out their saw. “Did you get a lot more signatures this morning?”

“Yeah. I put it on the notice board right next to the Hogsmeade announcement. But I think talking to people was more successful.”

“That’s great,” said Angela supportively. “Do you think you’ll ask some of the teachers as well?”

“I hadn’t thought that far,” Alex admitted. “But… probably. Most of them are pretty nice, and besides it’d give us even more of a leg up for submitting the petition to the board of governors.”

The pride that Alex’s friends had in Alex’s success was encouraging, and despite the way this band rehearsal had begun, it was already starting to look a lot brighter. Alex smiled as they played the first few notes on their saw.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _A/N: The chapter title comes from the song “If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out” by Cat Stevens._
> 
> _Also, I didn’t realize when I first started writing this fic just how relevant it would be, given the current lawsuits in parts of the USA regarding this exact topic, and unfair laws requiring people to use the bathroom associated with their assigned birth gender. It feels appropriate to be writing this story at the moment._


End file.
